because behaving is boring

Monthly Archives: May 2013

My mamaw’s birthday was Saturday… Every year my aunt gets her an ice cream cake and the family gets together to eat it celebrate with her. This year would have been no exception, but her doctor has advised her to stay away from dairy. Definitely no ice cream cake, but maybe no cake at all for the birthday girl?

Well that just wouldn’t do.

I did some Googling, and I did find some lactose free cake recipes… but I wasn’t terribly impressed with any of them. Worse were the icing recipes. None of them sounded good! I decided to take matters into my own hands and alter a regular recipe.

For the cake, I adapted a Better Homes and Gardens yellow cake recipe.

2 1/2 c flour
2 1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
2/3 c lactose free buttery spread
1 3/4 c sugar
1 1/2 tsp vanilla
2 eggs
1 1/4 c lactose free milk (soy, almond, etc…)

Preheat your oven to 375 degrees.

Mix flour, baking soda, and salt in a bowl. Set aside.

With a hand mixer, beat butter until fluffy. Add sugar and vanilla and mix again. Add eggs and mix until well blended.

Alternate adding dry mixture and milk a little at a time, mixing after each addition. Once everything is blended together, pour into greased cake pans (I used 8in round pans) and bake for 30-35 minutes. Let cool in the pan for about five minutes, then remove and allow to cool completely on a cooling rack.

For the lactose free icing, I just adapted my favorite crusting buttercream from I Am Baker.

1/2 cup Crisco
1/2 cup lactose free buttery spread
2 tsp vanilla
2 lb powdered sugar
1/2 to 3/4 cup lactose free milk

Blend the butter, Crisco (you could do all Crisco if you want WHITE white icing, just make sure to use clear vanilla also), and vanilla. Add powdered sugar a little at a time and blend well. Add milk, also a little at a time, until you get the consistency you’re looking for.




This cake was very, very good. I was worried that it wouldn’t turn out well but everyone really seemed to enjoy it. The icing is very sweet, but it wasn’t overpowering.

I’ll definitely be making this cake again… and of someone you love is lactose intolerant I think you should, too!

By the way, you might be tempted to exclaim, “Here’s a cake that won’t make you shit your pants!” (or whatever it is that lactose does to intolerant people) but try to refrain. It might put a damper on the party mood.

Well I expected to be posting again by now but apparently I’m a horrible judge of how long it takes to move. Then again, I’ve never done it the grown up way… my favorite way to move is to sell everything that doesn’t fit in my car. Pretty easy!

Unfortunately, when you get a BF and a baby you can’t do it that way… or at least, that’s what everyone told me.

The BF and a crew of big strong men moved everything from the old house to the new one last weekend and I’ve been unpacking and cleaning and arranging and pulling my hair out ever since. Moving is fun!

As annoying as the whole moving process is… I’m so happy we did it. Of course, it happened during the same week that O had a very minor surgical procedure… so I had to put some of the unpacking on hold to administer TLC for my sweet boy.

Anyway, I’ve been incredibly busy this week so I had to take a break from posting. I did have time to make a lactose-free cake for my Mamaw’s birthday and a couple of crafty things for the new house.




Hopefully I’ll be back tomorrow with a cake and icing recipe for y’all… but for today, I think I’m going to take a break from everything and just relax.

Right after I do the dishes, fold some laundry, and go to the store…

This article from The Guardian popped up on my Facebook newsfeed today, courtesy of STFU Parents. At first, I read the title wrong and thought they were talking about what happens when you roll the dice on a particularly questionable fart. “There are pros to sharting?! News to me!” So of course I had to read the article.

You might think I was disappointed by the actual content of the article (Oh… not sharting…sharenting) but I was actually excited. Finally, someone with some sense!

This whole oversharing thing has always bothered me, but I m particularly bothered by people that share every single aspect of their kid’s life. It’s not just annoying, it’s potentially dangerous.

I actually wasn’t planning to post this weekend because I have some big stuff going on… but I really wanted to share this article.

If you’re one of the people speculating about why I chose not to post any pictures of my baby online (or why I never use his name when I do talk about him), here you go. Now you can stop asking people that are close to me if something is wrong with my child. For God’s sake, he isn’t deformed (someone actually asked a friend that question)…It just turns out that I have some damned common sense.

I hope (though I doubt it’ll happen) this might also eliminate my need to CONSTANTLY ask people not to post his picture on Facebook.

Enjoy your weekend everyone! I’ll be taking a short break to take care of a pretty big project but I’ll be back early next week.

It’s been one of those days…

I’ve started O on solid foods, and it’s been an incredibly messy venture. Yesterday I was constantly wondering, “green beans or poop?” Today we tried Buddy Fruits in the mango, banana, passion fruit flavor. Twice today I’ve had to do a load of laundry… Not O’s, because I was at least smart enough to put only a bib and a diaper on him. No, I had to wash my clothes, because O really likes to share.

I was checking my second load of fruit-covered laundry when I noticed that it was 5:00… and I hadn’t even thought about dinner yet. I figured chicken and rice would be quick enough, so I got some brown rice going in my rice cooker with chicken broth and a couple of smashed garlic cloves. While that was cooking, I defrosted a couple of chicken boobs in the microwave.

I melted some butter in a pan over medium, then threw in some chopped onion and (yes, more) garlic. When the chicken was thawed I seasoned it with salt and pepper, then it went in the pan to cook, covered, for five minutes on each side.

By the time the chicken was done my rice cooker had switched to the keep warm setting…but the rice wasn’t quite done. I decided it wouldn’t be a big deal since it was going in the pan with the chicken. I added chicken broth (about a can) to the chicken, garlic, and onions… then I dumped a couple of cans of Rotel sauce in.


I added the rice and stirred everything up, making sure to cover the chicken. It looked a little boring…I discovered a can of corn hanging out in the cabinet, so I drained it and threw that in as well.
Once the sauce started to bubble I turned the heat down, almost to low (3, if you have numbers on your knobs). I covered the pan and left it alone for about 30 minutes. The rice finished cooking and helped thicken the sauce and for a completely last-minute meal I’d say it turned out pretty well.


This would be awesome with some guacamole, sour cream (Greek yogurt!), and cilantro… but since I had none of the above I just sprinkled on a little cheddar cheese and called it done.

I was about to call the BF to tell him supper was ready when I got a text message.

It said “I’m at Wendy’s, you want anything?”

If you think for two seconds I didn’t ask him to bring me a Frosty…Well, I guess you don’t know me at all.

As of today (at 7:48 am, to be exact) I officially have a six-month-old.

Let that sink in for a minute. I’ve been trying to do that all day. Just out of the blue, “Holy crap, my kid is six months old!”

Truth be told, I still occasionally think, “Holy crap, I have a kid!”

me and oscar




This isn’t a real post.

Anyway, happy half-birthday, sweet boy!




Have y’all seen the Wendy’s commercials that feature the red headed chick traipsing around judging everyone’s lunch choices?

Whatcha eatin’ there, pal?

If you haven’t seen them, here’s the basic idea:

Wendy’s chick: Oh, hello there person I don’t know. I see you’re eating lunch. What is it that you’re eating?

Complete stranger: Um, turkey on wheat?

WC: Well this is actually none of my business, but that just looks awful.

CS: …It does?

WC: Yes. But don’t worry, I carry around this bag of greasy fast food from Wendy’s just for occasions such as this one.

CS: Hmm…Ok.

WC: Now that’s better!

Now, don’t get me wrong…I enjoy a Wendy’s Frosty and fries occasionally (like, maybe once every couple of months…) and I really like their chili…But would I eat there all the time? Uh, no. I don’t care what this red-headed lady says, Wendy’s is not better for you than, say, a container of yogurt and a turkey sandwich. I mean, it is fast food.

I really hate the commercial for the flatbread chicken sandwich… When little miss barfs-a-lot (how else does she eat that much Wendy’s and stay slender?!) exclaims “I’d rather share it with my taste buds!” in a rather annoying sing-song voice. That one makes me want to stab something.

If these commercials were honest, I think they’d go like this:

Chubby red-head: Hello stranger! What is that you’re eating?

Stranger: A stick of butter and some potato chips dipped in butter. Oh, and fried butter with sugar on it.

CRH: Oh gross.

S: I know, right? But that’s what my wife packed for me today.

CRH: Well I happen to have this bag of greasy fast food from Wendy’s…

S: I’ll take it!

CRH: Well…I suppose that’s at least somewhat better.

Anyway, I don’t know why these commercials annoy me so, but they do.

What commercials make you feel all stabby?


Hallmark seems to be getting lazy about their poems. The very best my ass

In honor of Mother’s Day, an interview with my very own mother:

Me: Ok Mom, what do you think of Mother’s Day?

Mom: What do I think of it? I think it’s just like Father’s day…I think it’s a nice tribute. But I think the feelings you express on those days should be expressed every day. You know what I mean?

Me: I do! What’s your favorite Mother’s Day memory?

Mom: Hmmm…I don’t think I have one. Am I supposed to?

Me: Ok, what about your funniest?

Mom: Really?! I don’t know! (To dad) Have I had a funny Mother’s Day?

Dad: Huh?

Me: Ok…If you could get anything you wanted for Mother’s day, what would you ask for?

Mom: I’ve got what I want. God blessed me with two healthy kids and a loving family and two grandkids we can spoil rotten and send home.

…Then she got distracted playing with O and watching the NASCAR race. I had to rein her back in…



Me: Do you feel differently about Mother’s day now that you’re a grandma?

Mom: Well, I don’t know. This is the first one. I’m proud of my family…and the love that I feel for my family…but I guess it just doubles it, being a grandma.

Me: Do you remember what you did for your first Mother’s Day?

Mom: Um…probably…OH YES, I do remember. (To Dad) Wasn’t that the Mother’s Day that mom came up and we went to the Redwood Inn for dinner?

Dad: I think so…

Mom: Mom and I took you and we went there for dinner. Maybe this would count for a funny story? I didn’t think it was funny at the time. Let’s see…you were 8 months old. We put you in a high chair and you did fine ’til you started fussing. You scooted yourself under the tray, so you were kind of hanging out under the tray of the high chair. You just kind of raised your arms up and slid…Anyway, you were crying and carrying on and everyone in the restaurant is trying to have a nice Mother’s Day and here I am trying to hang on to you when a waitress comes over. Her and Mom are trying to get the tray off of the high chair and you were crying and I’m trying to keep you from sliding all the way through…we get the tray off and I get a hold of you and I was just done. We paid and I never went back to that restaurant. So that was my first experience of being a mom on Mother’s Day.

Me: Well thanks for not dropping me in the middle of the restaurant.

Mom: I didn’t! I held on!

Me:  So what’s your favorite thing about being a mom?

Mom: It’s hard to put into words… I mean, I don’t know. I guess it’s…Well, the first time they grab your finger, or they say ‘Mama’ for the first time, or they hold up their arms and say ‘carwy me!’… Or when their first words are ‘dirt’ and ‘pepsi’ (for the record,that would be me), or remembering your brother humming while he ate… Seeing you getting excited because Dad brought the backhoe home and saying ‘I ride the tobacco!’

I had piles of rocks from the driveway that I couldn’t get rid of because they were SO special…You kids just loved to bring me rocks. Then there are days when you just want to pull your hair out…and you wonder, ‘who raised these kids?!’ I don’t know if that’s even the right answer for your question…but it’s everything. It’s the day your baby is born and your heart just melts. And you think, ‘this is ours. this is what we created with our love.’ And the thing is, there isn’t a day that goes by that there aren’t little things that, no matter how many years it’s been, you can just see it happen. You’d be surprised…You’ll always remember your baby’s smell.  And things like, after you got old enough we couldn’t get by with cheating when we read you a book. You’d say “Nuh uh, that’s not what that says…”

…Did that answer your question? I don’t even remember what the question was…

Happy Mother’s Day, readers!

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