Now that I have a grown up job I have to get up early. Like, 5:30 am early. I’m not a fan.
Image from Business Insider.
5:30 am: I am typically in the middle of a wonderful dream… Like, The Boyfriend is giving me control of the remote. He’s smiling at me, arm stretched out to hand over the clicker, saying “let’s watch what you want to watch”, and I am smiling back and reaching to grasp it. Just as the teeny tiny tippy-tips of my fingers come into contact with the shiny black plastic my alarm goes off, all “IT’S MORNING TIME! NO MORE SLEEP TIME!”
…No, that’s not quite right. My alarm isn’t so much cheerfully nudging me out of my happy coma-like sleep like a four year old on Christmas morning…It’s abusively screaming “HEY YOU LAZY SACK OF WORTHLESSNESS, IT’S TIME TO GET UP!” like I would imagine a Drill Sargent with a redwood tree up his ass would sound.
The BF calls my alarm clock the Angry Cricket. I think Homicidal Cricket is more like it.
Now, if I were a responsible grown-up type person I think at this point I would turn off my alarm, get out of bed and probably go work out to a Sweatin’ to the Oldies video or some such thing. I am not, however, very good at acting my chronological age. I hit snooze and burrow back under the covers for “just fifteen more minutes.” Within seconds I have returned to my coma-like state in my cocoon of covers.
5:45 am: “YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING, WORTHLESS, LAZY SLOUCH! I TOLD YOU TO GET UP FIFTEEN MINUTES AGO!”
Oh, it’s my alarm clock again. It sounds grouchier.
Once again, I sit up just long enough to hit snooze. Sometimes I even fall asleep still sitting up.
6:00 am: “I CAN’T BELIEVE I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO WAKE UP AGAIN! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”
I really, really hate that alarm.
Usually by this point I decide that I do, in fact, need to get up. I turn my alarm off (this is what I call the Danger Zone because I’m quite likely to lie back down after turning it off) and most of the time I’m a good girl. I begrudgingly get out of bed and stumble into the living room to gather my things. Before leaving the bedroom I usually look one last time at the bed and at The BF, who has somehow managed to continue snoring through all of this. Typically, I look back just in time to see him sleepily scoot to my side of the bed to take advantage of the warm spot I just vacated.
So I’ve been noticing some things that I just don’t understand lately.
1. What’s with this whole “I don’t like it so I don’t want anyone else to have it” mentality a lot of people seem to have? Maybe I’m a moron, but if it doesn’t bother me I don’t care that other people do things I don’t necessarily agree with. I mean, I think shrimp is disgusting but I’m not going to gather all of the shrimp-haters and try to get it outlawed.
**Image borrowed from Wikipedia.com
2. Why is it that any time a picture is posted on the internet someone (or multiple someones, usually) is so quick to scream “SHOPPED!” but people still believe (and then repeat) everything they hear?
**Image from MA Family Institute
3. Raisins in cookies. That shit drives me nuts. You think you’re getting a warm, gooey, chocolatey treat…Then you bite into a raisin and your whole day is ruined. Heads up, those sneaky Brits like to call them currants. Don’t be fooled!
**Image courtesy of QuakerOats.com
Last night, the Senate here in the great state of Indiana passed Right to Work. I know a lot of people out there probably thought “Hey! I can support that!” because who doesn’t want the right to work? Makes sense, right?
But it doesn’t. At all.
See, we all already have the “right to work”. We also currently have the right to enjoy things like mandatory break and lunch times, high safety and health standards, fair wages… I mean, I don’t know anyone working in a sweatshop for $.13 an hour, do you?
No, because we don’t live in China.
Um, unless you actually do live in China. In that case I’m sorry.
There are a lot of people that support Right to Work and I honestly don’t think they understand the consequences we will ALL face if it passes the House. These are typically the same people that use inflammatory, generalizing language when describing the horribly evil and awful unions.
I don’t know if people just don’t bother to read before forming opinions or what… Did you know that everyone here in the good ol’ US of A (um, those of us that bother to work for a living, anyway) benefits from unions?
I don’t know about everyone else, but I’d prefer to keep making what I already do, or perhaps get a raise. I certainly don’t want to end up making less… And I really like the fact that around 10:00 each morning I can get up from my desk for 15 minutes to get a coffee.
I really, really want every single one of you to go to this page and read what it says. Take some time to think about it. If you still disagree with me, that’s fine. I value freedom of speech just as much as I value my good working conditions.
If you’d prefer a more condensed version of the information, go here.
I’ve been in a relationship for almost a year now, so I think it’s safe to say I’m an expert on all things love.
Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to truly love someone and what it takes to make a relationship work. To me, a relationship between two people (of any kind…friendship, romantic, whatever) will never be perfect. You can expect that the other person will occasionally annoy you, do things that upset you. It’s not always rainbows and unicorn farts, you know? Of course you know. It’s just logical.
So why do people constantly set such ridiculously high expectations? For example: A friend and I were talking one day and she mentioned seeing a picture one of her friends posted on Facebook. The girl’s boyfriend had sent her flowers at work and she was excited to show them off…And understandably so. My friend was upset by this because her boyfriend has never sent flowers to her at work. She spent a good half an hour complaining about how she would love to get flowers and something about him apparently not caring about her. I stopped listening about halfway through the tirade because I was thinking about food.
So once I realized she had stopped talking and was waiting for a response, I abandoned my thoughts of migas (YUM) and asked why she was so worked up about flowers. I mean, they’re nice for a couple of days but then they die.
“Well he must not care about me that much…I mean, in the movies…”
In the movies.
Romantic comedies. Romantic dramas.
I just can’t stand them.
Can we all agree that romantic movies are not a true representation of relationships? I hate to burst anyone’s bubble here, but The Notebook ain’t real life.
Real life means that, after the honeymoon period is over things might get a little boring. Get up, go to work, have dinner, go to bed. Maybe on the weekends you’ll go to Home Depot for a new toilet plunger. Wheeeee! Eventually you have kids and your relationship changes because you’ve taken on a whole new kind of stress. You’ll get on each other’s nerves. You’ll get comfortable. You’ll fart in front of one another.
I realize if movies were written in this way no one would watch them. Hollywood has to fudge the details a bit to make things entertaining and that’s fine.
So maybe my problem isn’t with the movies so much as the people that expect life to unfold just like Sweet Home Alabama.
The next time your significant other belches in response to a question you ask him and then laughs hysterically…
The next time he has the audacity to leave the seat up…
The next time he stinks up the bathroom right before you have to get in the shower..
Don’t immediately wonder what George (How Do You Know) would have done differently. Remember, Paul Rudd had the benefit of a script and a lot of editing to appear so wonderful in that movie.
Instead, think about all of the good things your boyfriend/husband does. Remember how he goes out and starts your car so it’s nice and warm when you leave? How about how he helped you carry in groceries or offered to give the kids a bath so you could catch up on your favorite show?
It also helps to remember that you, my dear, are not perfect. I’d be willing to bet that you’ve done things that annoy him, too.
Let’s all agree that romantic movies are fine for entertainment but they aren’t supposed to be blue prints for real life. Relax and focus on the nice things in your relationship and maybe after a while the little annoying things won’t bother you so much.
And above everything, remember this:
You picked him.