because behaving is boring

Monthly Archives: July 2011

Alternative title: Ballad of  a Bad Day

(sing to the tune of any horrible country song that comes to mind)

Well I woke up laaaaaate…

And that was bad enuuuuuuuf…

But then I lef’ mah house and fergot mah durn’d ol’ luuuunch.

So I went back ta get it, then I was on mah waaaaaay.

‘Til I looked at the gas gauge and saw it was on eeeeeeee…

So I stopped to fill ‘er up…

And finally I could leave…

But what do I see but a durn’d ol’ train, blockin’ mah way outta town.

Ev’ry semi in toooown…

Was goin’ the same way as meeeeee.

Wouldn’ta been so baaaad…

But top speed was thirty-threeee.

By the time I got ta work…

I was fifteen minutes laaaaaaate.

And to make matters wooooorse…

I couldn’t find a parking space.

Guess I’ll go on inta woooork…

And see how the rest of this day gooooooes.

But I’m starting to feel liiiiike…

I shoulda stayed in bed todaaaaaay.

YEEEEE HAW!

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The Boyfriend is always calling me Negative Nelly or Debbie Downer… I can’t help it that I like to keep my expectations low and I don’t sugar-coat things.

For example, a conversation that happened today at work:

C: It smells like urine when you walk in this building, don’t you think?

J: I’ve never noticed it…

C: Well, like right outside the door when you’re walking in.

Me: Well there’s a kitten that lives in the alley…

L: I thought the kitten was dead…

Me: OH, well then it’s not urine you’re smelling. It’s rotting carcass.

L: This conversation just got really sad. I’m walking away.

Me: Cute, cuddly, fluffy, smelly rotting carcass!

Another example, this time a reply I sent to an email:

I can bring cookies!

Don’t get too excited, they’ll be store-bought.

Also? Game shows.

When the fabulous prize is revealed to the contestants and they start to get all embarrassingly giddy over a dinette set or something equally lame, I can only think one thing.

You’re gonna pay taxes on that.


On the way to work the other morning, I listened to a politically-themed show on NPR.

I need to stop doing that because I’m sure it isn’t good for my blood pressure.

Anyway, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. We’re in the midst of a little (sarcasm) financial trouble here and the show was covering the continuing debate about gay marriage.

Why are we still arguing about this?!

I would like to know how it isn’t discrimination to say that same-sex couples can’t marry. And how is that not a violation of their rights? Ridiculous.

The most mind-blowing thing about all of this, to me, is just how blatantly hypocritical our dear ol’ government is being.

Prayer isn’t allowed in schools, they’re talking about taking “In God we trust” off of our money, and the Ten Commandments can’t be displayed on the courthouse lawn. Why? Separation of church and state.

Same-sex couples can’t get married. Why? Because the Bible defines marriage as a union between a man and a woman.

Dear government:

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

-Me

Seriously, if you’re against gay marriage, guess what. You don’t have to go to a gay wedding. You don’t have to befriend any gay couples and you don’t have to like it. What you really need to do is 1.) Get over yourself, 2.) Stop pointing your judgy finger, it’s not your job, and 3.) Take notes when reading the part in the Bible that mentions loving your neighbor.

Allowing gay couples to marry (and *gasp* even adopt children) probably won’t have a single impact on your life if you don’t let it.

As far as making it legal, it’s the right thing to do if we’re going to stand behind our country’s decision to keep religion out of politics AND honor the fact that we are supposed to be a nation of freedoms. Religious, political, expression and otherwise.

How about we stop arguing about things that truthfully aren’t that pressing and get serious about the nation’s debt troubles? Because if we end up in another depression, I don’t think people will be standing in bread lines saying “Well hey, at least gay people can’t get married!”

**Just so we’re all clear, I’m not mocking religion in any way. I absolutely believe in God and I don’t want to give anyone the wrong impression. I’m also not saying I support gay marriage, necessarily. I just don’t think it’s fair to make it illegal because some people think it’s wrong.

Don’t agree? Think I’m an idiot? Send your hate mail to ashleemaeblog @ gmail.com or leave me a comment!

You may also email me or comment if you think I’m brilliant!


(Paraphrased from memory)

Grandma: So the neighbors loaded their kids up and left earlier today and when they came home the kids weren’t with them. I think they took them to Grandma’s.

Mom: Uh huh…

Grandma: Around 7:00 a car pulled in their driveway and a girl got out and went in the house. THEN around 7:30 a guy showed up and went in the house.

Mom: Ok…

Grandma: Well. I think they’re watching them-there dirty shows.

Mom: Um, why do you think that?

Grandma: Well they have that-there satellite tv.

 

 


So yesterday I said I wanted some cool new workout shoes and clothes… Today, I’m continuing the whole workout theme with this:

Weslo Cadence G 5.9 Treadmill

Weslo Cadence G40 Treadmill

4.3 out of 5
Buy from Walmart
Shipping & Pickup
Online
$279.00
Was: $319.00
And yes, I found it on walmart.com. Don’t judge.
Anyway, I would love to be able to get up in the morning (or come home from work), fire up the treadmill, and walk while watching tv. In my cool new shoes and fancy workout clothes.
I don’t have a schedule that allows me to go to fitness classes and I just don’t go to the gym. I had a membership a few years ago…I used it for maybe a month, then I just paid them 50.00 a month to not work out.  I realize walking on a treadmill isn’t the most intense workout BUT it would be a lot more than I’m doing now (which, to be honest, involves complaining about being jiggly but not doing a damn thing about it).
I think all of this talk about getting into better shape may have something to do with my rapidly-approaching 30th birthday. I realize I’ll probably never again fit into a size 0 and I don’t necessarily want to…but I would like to get rid of some extra weight I’ve picked up (thanks to my lazy broken thyroid).

So I really want to get into better shape…problem is, I just don’t have the motivation to, you know, actually work out. I’ve been checking out the different kinds of toning shoes but my gripe has been that they’re all…well…ugly.

Except!

The Reebok Easytones look like regular ol’ tennis shoes. I could wear those every day! I want them!

EasyTone Flash 

Problem: I have no idea what size because I’ve never tried them on.

But! Here’s a link:

http://www.reebok.com/US/search?t=easytone

They also have some really cute workout clothes… I love the EasyTone bra tops and the pants. There are even flip-flops!

EasyTone Long Bra Top 

EasyTone Flip II 

Just one question…How long do I have to wear the shoes (and clothes, I guess) before I look like the model?


I was complaining to a coworker about how much I just don’t think I like liquid foundation anymore…and she suggested I try Bare Minerals.  I would LOVE to try it out and since my birthday is coming up, I’m making it item number one on my birthday list.

 



Bare Escentuals Sephora Exclusive Get Started Kit ($174 Value), $60

Since I’m a horrible judge of what colors work on my skin, I’d need to actually go to a Sephora location and get matched. I think in this situation a Sephora gift card would work best.

Stay tuned for more of my birthday wish list!



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