I really should have titled this post Chicken Parmesan in 800 Hours because, seriously.
The first step is to come up with a grand idea to make Chicken Parmesan for dinner while you’re sitting at the office feeling pretty energetic. Nevermind the fact that it will involve a trip to the grocery store after work and that’ll be the last thing you want to do by the time 5:30 rolls around. Make sure to text your signifigant other and let him know you’re making it so you can’t change your mind later.
So the grocery store wasn’t so terrible and you were able to make it home by 6:15. That’ll make you think you’ll have dinner ready by 7:30 or so, but you’ll be wrong.
Start by dicing an onion and peeling a few garlic cloves. Be super lazy and just cut the cloves in half before throwing them in a pan along with the onions and butter. Turn the burner on low because you want it to cook while you’re prepping the chicken.
Get the chicken out and realize you don’t have one of those hammer things you need to pound meat. Decide to cut the chicken breasts in half lenghtwise instead and pat yourself on the back for being so gosh darn smart. Right about now you should realize that the onions and garlic are not gently simmering away, but actually popping and cooking quite violently. Apparently, the boyfriend’s stove has no concept of LOW. Give up on the idea of letting everything cook together for a while and just dump a can of crushed tomatoes and a can of tomato paste in and put the pan back on the burner.
Pour a little olive oil in another pan and set the burner on medium so the oil will be nice and hot when you’re ready to add the chicken. Stir the tomato sauce while you’re standing there because it’s started to gurgle. Make sure there’s a mini-eruption while you’re stirring so some of the sauce gets on your shirt… Because you’re so smart that you thought it would be no big deal to cook tomato sauce in your work clothes. Way to go, genius.
Go ahead and take a quick break here to remove your now-soiled work shirt and throw it on the laundry room floor. Don’t bother addressing the tomato stain now, because somehow just being in the laundry room will make it disappear. Put on a sweatshirt you don’t care about. It’s cool, you won’t get a single drop of tomato sauce on it.
Back to the chicken. Pour egg substitute (it’s just easier) into one pie pan. In another add bread crumbs, parmesan cheese, basil and a little garlic powder. Dip chicken into egg, then into bread crumbs.
Test the oil in the pan by flicking some water into it. You’d think it would be ready by now but NO. Drive yourself crazy messing with the burners and finally give up and turn the oven on because you’ve had enough of the stove’s shenanigans. Line a baking dish with foil because you don’t want to be doing dishes ’til midnight, then throw the chicken in it.
Take the sauce off the heat so it doesn’t burn. Start prepping fresh green beans (wash and snap the ends off) while you’re waiting for the damn oven to preheat. Put beans on a baking sheet, drizzle with olive oil and add whatever spices you want. Rejoice when the oven says it’s reached 350 degrees, then happily put the chicken on the top rack and the beans on the bottom rack. Set a timer for 40 minutes.
HOORAY! Now you can do dishes!
When the timer goes off, decide neither the beans nor the chicken is done. Curse. Crank the heat up to 400 and add another 15 minutes to the timer. Consider gnawing your own arm off at this point because it’s after 7:30 and you’re starving.
Taste the tomato sauce and add a little sugar since it’s a bit tart. When the timer goes off again, delcare the chicken done and pour the sauce over it. Dump a ridiculous amount of cheese on top and stick it back in the oven.
So it’s 8:30 and you finally have dinner.
The Boyfriend will come home from work at this point and inhale a plate of chicken and beans, along with salad and cole slaw from the previous night’s dinner. You think this is a weird combination but manage to keep your trap shut.
While you’re finishing the dishes, The BF will wander in wanting something sweet. He will then select a knife that you’ve just washed and start slicing an orange, dragging the knife across the cutting board to make that noise that makes your teeth hurt.
After he finishes with the orange, he will walk away and you’ll think it’s ok to wash that knife again. NOPE! He was just taking a break between oranges.
Don’t strangle or otherwise hurt The BF. He will later make you a bowl of ice cream with hot fudge and rub your shoulders while telling you funny stories.
Isn’t domestic life bliss?