because behaving is boring

Monthly Archives: April 2011

Yuck to both.

Seriously, I’m sick of it. Yeah, I love a good storm now and then. Sure, it’s nice when I can listen to rain as I’m falling asleep. But when that’s all the weather wants to do? Uh, no thanks.

This morning I was late to work because we’ve had so much rain they closed one lane of the interstate due to high water. Traffic was backed up all the way to the on ramp and once I actually made it on the interstate some giant douchebag decided to try to occupy the same space I was in. Apparently, he missed the 4,000 signs alerting everyone to the lane closure and was completely taken by surprise when he actually had to merge to the right. It’s a good thing my horn works because he had NO clue I was there. He, of course, flipped me off and shoved himself in front of me. I guess I deserved that because CLEARLY I was the one in the wrong.

I may have returned the gesture. My mom would kill me for saying that because FLIPPING SOMEONE OFF IN THE BIG CITY WILL SURELY GET YOU SHOT.

Of course, once I got to work I had to drive around for a while until I found a parking spot, which made me even more late. Lucky for me someone left and I was able to take that spot, and even luckier for me it was a spot close to my building.

‘Cause, you know, I’m the genius that decided to wear flip-flops today. Don’t worry, inappropriate footwear choices aren’t just a winter thing.

Today has been busy as HELL and I’m about ready to pull my hair out…It doesn’t help that my computer has decided to pick today to be as slow as it possibly can short of just shutting down entirely.

I’m ready to go home.

Only 4 hours and 17 (ish) minutes ’til I can!


I wrote this letter to my lovely coworker after tasting the strawberry champagne jell-o shots she made. So far, there has been no response.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.


Maybe the right term would be April Monsoons… Yesterday we got hit with all kinds of rainy stormy weather. The worst of it was last night and even I got a little nervous.

I went to the Not Boyfriend’s because he decided to cook dinner…Right, like I don’t spend every night over there, anyway…BUT I was actually planning on staying home until he mentioned food. Truthfully, I would have likely ended up there regardless because my brother has come down with the flu and I DO NOT want his germs.

**Side note… NB is an awesome cook. Last night we had manicotti stuffed with two kinds of chicken filling. SO good.

Anyway…

We were standing in the kitchen getting our plates ready when the storm started, around 9:30 pm. The kitchen windows were open and we could hear the storm blow in, which was really cool. What WASN’T cool was how strong the wind was getting.

I should probably mention that he and I have both experienced a tornado up close when we were in junior high. It was late at night, right before Mother’s Day. My parents woke my brother and I up and had us come down to the kitchen because our area was under a tornado warning. At some point, we lost power so we were sitting next to the basement door trying to decide if we needed to go downstairs when a tornado went right behind our house and destroyed a modular home that was just down the road. I’ll never forget the way everything went quiet or the sound it made as it went through. If it hadn’t been so dark we would have been able to see it, too. NB’s family wasn’t quite as lucky as we were…Possibly the same tornado demolished their house that night. They all managed to get to the basement in time, thank God, so no one was seriously injured. That same night my old elementary school (that my brother still attended at the time) was also hit, as well as a few other homes in the area.

So, standing in his kitchen listening to the wind become stronger and stronger was making even me incredibly nervous. For anyone that hasn’t heard a tornado, the rednecks that always get interviewed on the news are right. It DOES sound a lot like a freight train chugging down the tracks.

**Side note (again): After the tornado that I mentioned earlier, a couple of news crews showed up at our house wanting interviews. My mom refused because she was still in her pajamas and I tried to explain to her that she’d fit right in with all of the other interviewees…somehow she didn’t agree.

…On with the story.

I was trying to be tough and act like it wasn’t a big deal that the wind was HOWLING, but finally I had to let him know that I was getting a little nervous about the storm. As soon as I said it, he suggested we have dinner in the basement just to be safe (I didn’t even know he HAD a basement until last night, actually). We spend the next minute or so running through the house grabbing things…He put on a pair of work boots and then carried a couple of chairs and a candle down while I got my purse, our dinner, and a few beers. That’s right, we definitely had our priorities in line. I figured if I was going to be sitting in a basement while the house above me got blown away I might as well drink a beer or two.

NB pulled a chest of drawers to an empty spot so we had a makeshift table and cleared away some cobwebs…His house is fairly old and the basement is definitely not finished. Still, you can’t really complain when a tornado might be headed your way. We lost power not long after we got settled, so thank goodness he remembered a candle. Of course, he was assuring me that he had planned the candlelit dinner thing all along.

We stayed in the basement for about an hour, maybe an hour and a half. I’ve always liked when the power goes out…I’m not sure why. It was so quiet in the house that we could still hear the storm going on, even from the basement. We had a couple of beers and talked until finally it seemed to quiet down. Happily, there didn’t seem to be any damage to the house or our cars at all. NB fired up the generator and was quite proud of himself for being the only house in the area with power.

The rest of the night was uneventful. We tried to watch a movie but halfway through we both decided sleep was a better idea. By then the power had come back on and the storms seemed to be over. I guess there was another storm around 2:00am but by then I was sound asleep.

This morning I did see some damage on the way to work and I heard about an unconfirmed report of a tornado touching down somewhere in my home town. I’m definitely grateful that NB and I as well as everyone I know (well, as far as I’ve heard, anyway) made it through last night ok.


…but I hate HATE having to be at work during one. As far as I’m concerned, there’s only one appropriate way to enjoy a good storm.

Snuggled up under covers, preferably with someone you like a lot, movie optional.

Seriously, today we’re having some pretty good storms and it’s cold outside. I’m sleepy as can be and yet I’m here at my desk. At work. Not exactly where I want to be.

Thank goodness I’m working early today…so I can leave at 6:15 and spend my evening however I like.

I’m definitely in a pretty great mood… I’d just like to be in my great mood somewhere else. With someone else. Don’t get me wrong, I do quite enjoy my coworkers…Just not in the let’s-snuggle-under -a-blanket-during-a-storm kind of way.

I only have to make it 4 more hours…then I have an hour drive home… So in about 5 hours I’ll be in my sleepy clothes parked on a far more comfy surface than my desk chair.

I don’t really have anything else to say.

OH!

Someone brought champagne jello shots to work today. I’m going to try one.

Ok. That’s really all I had to say.


I would like to take this opportunity to say thank you, from the bottom of my heart. It’s really easy to forget sometimes that I have ovaries…I mean, they ARE kind of hiding and unlike my lungs, stomach or heart…well, I just don’t really use them. Also, unlike my liver I don’t abuse them on a regular basis.

The fact that you help out with a monthly reminder is awesome. I LOVE that on the 17th of every month I get to spend a whole day feeling like I’m being punched in the lady parts by a swarm of angry midgets. This month you’ve gone above and beyond by sending my little reminder a WHOLE DAY early, basically screwing up my whole weekend.

That’s super neat.

So, thanks again for the lovely monthly reminder. I’m going back to my heating pad now.

Love always,

Ashlee


I noticed something today and I wonder if anyone else does this…

When I’m typing a text or tweet (basically anything with a limited number of characters) and I get close to the limit, I type faster. True story… I caught myself doing it last night.

What is that all about? Like if I type super fast I can get it all in before they know I’m over my character limit? Makes no sense.

In other randomness…

I’m a sales rep for a company based here in Indy. People call in, I sell them our product.

Imagine my surprise when our reception desk called me to say there was a person in our lobby that wanted to buy something. I’m not sure what prompted the guy to actually come here rather than call but I was completely unprepared. I’m wearing a sweatshirt and jeans today with flip flops…hardly professional attire. By the time I got to the front desk he had left so I didn’t actually talk to him but… well, it was weird.

Also totally random, but I wish the weather would get just a tad warmer around here…It’s mushroom season and I’m dying to fry some up! For those of you that don’t know what I’m talking about, here’s a website with some info. If you’ve never had a fried morel mushroom you’re really missing out. I’ve usually had them with bacon and eggs for breakfast, but the Not Boyfriend has big plans for a fish and mushroom fry.

I can remember spending hours mushroom hunting in the woods behind my mom and dad’s house when I was little. We’d get dressed in jeans, long sleeved flannel shirts, hats and boots (because my mom was worried about ticks so we had to be almost totally covered) and carry bread sacks to hunt for them.  Mom always insisted that we were as quiet as possible because she didn’t want anyone to know if we found them…because then someone else might look in our woods and steal our mushrooms!

I’m not even kidding about that. Mushroom season only happens in the spring around here and it’s pretty short… those things are like gold and I’ve seen people sell them for what you’d probably consider a ridiculous price.  They’re THAT good.


Me: Hey, do you think it would still be prostitution if the hooker sold raffle tickets and had a drawing to determine who would get her services?

Friend: Wait…what?!

Me: You know, ’cause the money is being exchanged for the TICKETS and not for SEX.

Friend: I’m not sure that would work.

Me: But it’s a great idea! They’ve been doing it wrong this whole time… I mean, you can sell an unlimited amount of raffle tickets in a day but there are only so many…uh…services a prostitute could perform in a 24-hour period.

Friend:…

Me: For real, this is a breakthrough for the world’s oldest profession.

Friend:…

Me: Do you think they have a union rep I could call? Ladies of the Night Local 69?


1. I love the smell of old books, Zippo lighters and campfire.

2. I have an obsession with office supplies, particularly Post-It notes.

3. I will always, ALWAYS think farts are hilarious.

4. I do not, however, think being dutch ovened is funny.

5. I still have two baby teeth.

5. I like to shoot guns…but only at inanimate objects.

6.I have randomly met a few famous people, including: Lewis Black, Donald Brown, the guys from Incubus, Orgy, Disturbed and The Offspring.

7. Mario Lopez ran into me at a party. Literally ran into me. He’s a lot smaller than you’d think.

8. I couldn’t think of a single thing to write about today, so this is what I ended up with. Hooray!

 


…Because they send me hilarious things like this:

http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6417096/flowchart-why-hasnt-the-person-you-texted-responded-yet

Thanks John!

In other news…My hands mysteriously smell like garlic. I haven’t cooked with or touched garlic recently so the only conclusion I can logically come to is that Not Boyfriend rubbed a clove on my hands while I was passed out last night.

And I do mean passed out. WOW. I was more than a little intoxicated last night. My friend’s birthday party was fun…and surprisingly I DID play the dancing game.

To borrow a phrase from NB, I owned that motherf*cker.

My friend Lisa went first and after watching her I decided it didn’t look too hard. I can’t remember what song I did but I got a high score and unlocked a few things for Brian. I think everyone was pretty darn impressed…well, maybe not Lisa. She let us all know that she was a cheerleader in high school and then pouted.

Eventually she passed out on the couch and the birthday boy went home so my friend Robin suggested going to the bar. NB stayed sober so I felt the need to drink for both of us. Robin forced me to drink a few jager bombs because she is a horrible person and I’d say I was pretty well shitfaced when we left.

So we dropped her off and went back to NB’s house. I apparently thought I needed to continue drinking, because I guess I just really wanted to make sure I ended up with a solid hangover . Lucky for me Robin had put a beer in my purse (Monty Python beer…it’s goooood) so I popped it open and took a drink.

Then I put it down, announced that I was going to bed and marched my drunk ass into the bedroom where I promptly passed out.

When I woke up this morning still tasting the jager bombs, the first thing I did was ask NB to shoot me. I was HUNGover and my hip was killing me because I slept like a rock last night. I know they shoot horses for less so I didn’t think I was out of line by asking. He had to be all reasonable about it and say no, though. I tried to guilt trip him by saying he really should want to do something to end my suffering and that I’d do it for him but he persisted. Something about how he’s never shot a person and wasn’t going to start with me.

Of course, 4 hours later I can honestly say I’m glad he didn’t. I ate a Dairy Queen cheeseburger and drank a swimming pool-size coke and now all is right with the world.

In fact, I’m feeling so much better that I’ve decided to bake another strawberry rhubarb pie to take to my parents. I like to do things like that sometimes just to solidify my Favorite Child status.


Let me just say…It is absolutely BEAUTIFUL outside. When I woke up this morning it was thundering and raining and I thought it was going to be a rather nasty day. The nice part (and equally not so nice part) of living in Indiana is that the weather changes in the blink of an eye. I hear it’s supposed to be up to 80 tomorrow. Could cold weather be finally over?

Last night the not-boyfriend and I went to a party at his cousin’s house. It was pretty relaxed and we were all sitting at a table talking when someone mentioned beer pong. Now, I’ll be 30 in September and he’ll be 32 in June so I think it’s safe to say we’ve both grown out of the drinking game phase. BUT one of the younger guys there wouldn’t stop going on about how he could totally kick our asses if we’d play and, well… I just couldn’t let him talk to us like that.

I believe at some point I even told him he needed to respect his elders. Yup.

SO suddenly we find ourselves at one end of a beer pong table. I realized it was a bad idea when the first shot I attempted went sailing over the cups and bounced under the table. Still, no one likes a quitter, so we kept on trucking. We both managed to make a few shots but we still lost. I believe there may have been some pouting from our side of the table.

This morning when I woke up I understood why I don’t play that game anymore. I really hate keg beer of any kind because it gives me the worst hangovers and it certainly didn’t help that the keg contained Budweiser. YUCK. Miraculously, I’m feeling less like the walking dead now and I might even have a couple of beers tonight.

What can I say? I’m a trooper.

I just finished baking some AWESOME bacon tomato appetizers for my friend’s birthday party tonight…And I will definitely post the recipe here soon. I know, I said the same thing about the Cornflake fried chicken. I’ll get to that one, too.

All in all, I think it’s been a pretty great day. I’m really looking forward to watching everyone make asses of themselves playing the dancing game on the Kinect… And by watching, I mean NOT PARTICIPATING. I looked it up on YouTube and I’m fairly certain it would be a disaster if I tried it. No one needs to see that.

I’d be all about it if I were home alone, though.



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