The Boyfriend is always calling me Negative Nelly or Debbie Downer… I can’t help it that I like to keep my expectations low and I don’t sugar-coat things.

For example, a conversation that happened today at work:

C: It smells like urine when you walk in this building, don’t you think?

J: I’ve never noticed it…

C: Well, like right outside the door when you’re walking in.

Me: Well there’s a kitten that lives in the alley…

L: I thought the kitten was dead…

Me: OH, well then it’s not urine you’re smelling. It’s rotting carcass.

L: This conversation just got really sad. I’m walking away.

Me: Cute, cuddly, fluffy, smelly rotting carcass!

Another example, this time a reply I sent to an email:

I can bring cookies!

Don’t get too excited, they’ll be store-bought.

Also? Game shows.

When the fabulous prize is revealed to the contestants and they start to get all embarrassingly giddy over a dinette set or something equally lame, I can only think one thing.

You’re gonna pay taxes on that.