I’ve been in a relationship for almost a year now, so I think it’s safe to say I’m an expert on all things love.
Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to truly love someone and what it takes to make a relationship work. To me, a relationship between two people (of any kind…friendship, romantic, whatever) will never be perfect. You can expect that the other person will occasionally annoy you, do things that upset you. It’s not always rainbows and unicorn farts, you know? Of course you know. It’s just logical.
So why do people constantly set such ridiculously high expectations? For example: A friend and I were talking one day and she mentioned seeing a picture one of her friends posted on Facebook. The girl’s boyfriend had sent her flowers at work and she was excited to show them off…And understandably so. My friend was upset by this because her boyfriend has never sent flowers to her at work. She spent a good half an hour complaining about how she would love to get flowers and something about him apparently not caring about her. I stopped listening about halfway through the tirade because I was thinking about food.
So once I realized she had stopped talking and was waiting for a response, I abandoned my thoughts of migas (YUM) and asked why she was so worked up about flowers. I mean, they’re nice for a couple of days but then they die.
“Well he must not care about me that much…I mean, in the movies…”
In the movies.
Romantic comedies. Romantic dramas.
I just can’t stand them.
Can we all agree that romantic movies are not a true representation of relationships? I hate to burst anyone’s bubble here, but The Notebook ain’t real life.
Real life means that, after the honeymoon period is over things might get a little boring. Get up, go to work, have dinner, go to bed. Maybe on the weekends you’ll go to Home Depot for a new toilet plunger. Wheeeee! Eventually you have kids and your relationship changes because you’ve taken on a whole new kind of stress. You’ll get on each other’s nerves. You’ll get comfortable. You’ll fart in front of one another.
I realize if movies were written in this way no one would watch them. Hollywood has to fudge the details a bit to make things entertaining and that’s fine.
So maybe my problem isn’t with the movies so much as the people that expect life to unfold just like Sweet Home Alabama.
The next time your significant other belches in response to a question you ask him and then laughs hysterically…
The next time he has the audacity to leave the seat up…
The next time he stinks up the bathroom right before you have to get in the shower..
Don’t immediately wonder what George (How Do You Know) would have done differently. Remember, Paul Rudd had the benefit of a script and a lot of editing to appear so wonderful in that movie.
Instead, think about all of the good things your boyfriend/husband does. Remember how he goes out and starts your car so it’s nice and warm when you leave? How about how he helped you carry in groceries or offered to give the kids a bath so you could catch up on your favorite show?
It also helps to remember that you, my dear, are not perfect. I’d be willing to bet that you’ve done things that annoy him, too.
Let’s all agree that romantic movies are fine for entertainment but they aren’t supposed to be blue prints for real life. Relax and focus on the nice things in your relationship and maybe after a while the little annoying things won’t bother you so much.
And above everything, remember this:
You picked him.