Can we talk about all of this hyphenated ‘politically correct’ bullshit that’s been rampant lately?

I’m getting a bit tired of everyone being so damn sensitive about everything.

I mean, Hispanic-American this and African-American that… And we’re all expected to use these phrases now. Um, that means making my mouth form a bunch of extra syllables and I’m kinda lazy so… No thanks, I’ll pass.

I’ve  been filling out a lot of job applications lately and what really gets me is the question (that you don’t have to answer) that asks:

Are you:

Hispanic – American (of Hispanic origin)

White (Caucasian non-Hispanic)


And you select the one that best fits you.

I’m a little confused, because we have all of these hyphenated terms to describe everyone else but when it comes to me, well I’m just white. Where’s my hyphen?! I’m going to start selecting ‘other’. That way, it’s a surprise when I come in for the interview.

And what’s wrong with just being American? Everyone seems so quick to tell you that they’re Latin-American or German-American or Italian-American…


I typically have this conversation if I venture out to a bar on St. Patrick’s Day:

Guy half drunk on green beer: I’m Irish!

Me: So you’re here on vacation?

Guy: Well, Irish-American…

Me: So, when did you move here from Ireland?

Guy: Well, I’ve always lived here.

Me: You mean, like here as in this town, in this country? USA?

Guy: Uh, yeah.

Me: Oh. Well your parents…When did they move here?

Guy: Oh they’re from here, too.

Me: Have you ever been to Ireland?

Guy: No…But I really want to go there someday!

Me: I hate to break it to you dude, but you’re American.

Guy: Nuh-uh! My great-great-great-great-great-grandparents on my Dad’s side came here from Ireland in the 1550s!

At this point, I just have to walk away because my head is going to explode. It’s fine if you want to tell someone about your Irish heritage but I just don’t think you can claim to be Irish-American if you’ve never even been to Ireland.

I think from now on I’m going to insist that everyone refer to me as Caucasian-American-of-Possible-Irish-And-Maybe-Some-Scottish-Heritage.

Because apparently, just referring to someone as white or black the way you’d call the sky blue (in other words, because it is blue), or simply being American, is wildly offensive.

Well I certainly won’t stand for it anymore.