I’ve always been a little socially awkward…even before it was (apparently?) cool to be an introvert. These days I am perfectly happy to hang out at home with the boy. If something requires putting on real pants and actually being around other people, I get a little nervous.

I generally enjoy meeting and interacting with other people…The problem is that I am extraordinarily good at shoving my foot in my mouth.

Recently,  I was introduced to a couple with a daughter right around O’s age. While the kids played, we chatted about general toddler stuff. Everything was great until…

“So she is just so into Bubble Guppies right now! Like, we have tons of episodes DVR’d. We can just turn one on and she’s so into it we can actually relax. Does he watch Bubble Guppies?”



“Really?  You should turn it on for him one day… I’ll bet he loves it! I think it’s the bright colors. Like, maybe it hypnotizes ’em! What does he like to watch?”


“He actually doesn’t watch TV…”

Ok, so do me a favor. Just go ahead and read the above sentence out loud. Just try to do it without sounding like some kind of smug asshole. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Can’t do it, can you?

So there I was, feeling the urge to apologize for my choice to keep the tv off bubbling up until I finally had to say something…

“I actually did try to get him to watch Sesame Street there for a bit, but he didn’t pay attention…”

And, given the nature of the conversation,  that’s where I should have stopped talking. Did I? Well of course not.

“I kind of feel like Sesame Street talks down to kids, though. And then I read up on screen time and how it impacts a child’s ability to learn…I guess it just seemed like a better idea to turn the TV off during the day since the American Academy of Pediatrics actually recommends no screen time at all for kids under the age of two…”

Way to go, jackass.

Both the mom and the dad were looking at me with a bit of a blank stare, as if they weren’t entirely sure how to proceed. Eventually, the dad recovered enough to ask if I watch TV at all.

“Well I didn’t, but recently I started watching Jeopardy in the evenings…”

This is exactly why you were not one of the popular kids in high school.


His preferred method of entertainment..

If this were an isolated incident,  I’d just shrug it off and walk on…but…

There was the time my aunt asked if I’d ever tried teething beads for O. I responded with a rather loud guffaw,  “They’re made from tree sap? That’s about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard!”

Too bad she was being serious, jerk.

And the time someone asked what kind of juice O likes…

“Oh, yeah…He doesn’t drink juice. The dentist actually recommends milk and water only.”

Thanks for the info, Encyclopedia Britannica.

OR how about the time someone at a party offered to fill his sippy cup with sweet tea…

Ok, wait. I’m not going to apologize for that one. I might have rolled my eyes a little and maybe that wasn’t nice but…sweet tea? I’m not raising the next (male) Honey Boo Boo, ok?