Nothing is out of his reach.

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If your kid “isn’t much of a climber” then please understand that I hate you. Ok, not really…but try living with a kid that sees every surface as his personal jungle gym. I’m not sure I will ever recover from the scare he gave me when he figured out how to climb out of his crib. I guess that’s what I get for trying to pee by myself.

You’re basically living with a tiny drunk person.

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If you’ve ever tended bar, you know what it’s like to be the sober person in a sea of drunks. Imagine that it’s only one tiny, destructive, loud, adorable guy with slightly more coordination BUT less inhibition than your typical full – size drunk. Oh, and this kid never sobers up. If he feels like stumbling in circles around the living room with a basket on his head while yelling gibberish, by God that’s what he’s gonna do. Utensils like forks and spoons are optional equipment at mealtime… Often shoving fistfuls of food in the general direction of his mouth is the way he likes to go. Try reasoning with the kid. Ain’t gonna happen…No way, no how.

No. No. No. No. No. I said no. No. No. 

There will be days when you feel like the only word you say is “No.” Well, Except when you’re saying things like, “You know better”, or, “Get down from there!” But basically, it’s all the same.

Every day is a new adventure…but not really.

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Pretty much all of our days have the same basic structure: wake up, diaper change, breakfast, brush teeth, play, nap, lunch, play, nap, play, dinner, play, brush teeth, book, bed. It sometimes feels a bit Groundhog Dayish. The thing is, as much as every day is the same, each day is also very different. He may learn a new skill and spend the day showing it off, or he could be grouchy because of a new tooth. Some days he will sit quietly in his favorite corner and play, other days he wants to RUN! and JUMP! and CLIMB!

Oh, you thought we’d be sleeping through the night by now?

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Look, I’m pretty lucky as far as how much sleep I get most nights. Typically I’m in bed by 10:00 and we get up around 7:30. Yes, that’s more than 9 hours of sleep. I need those nights to make up for the ones that aren’t so peaceful. We recently went through a week of the FIRST MOLAR FROM HELL (AKA jerk tooth) that was rather slow in making it’s appearance. We’d give him Tylenol at bedtime, and he’d wake up as soon as it wore off. That was a very un-fun week for all of us. Of course, he also gets the occasional gas bubble or has a bad dream (I guess?)…And the walls in our house are so thin that I can hear most every noise he makes. Even during a peaceful night my sleep is interrupted.

Cheerios are a dietary staple.

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My diet largely consists of coffee, Cheerios, and whatever O doesn’t eat. Ok, I’m mostly kidding, because I do typically eat an actual meal a dinner… but sometimes by the time I have a chance to sit down at the end of a day, I realize I’ve only ingested coffee and a handful of Puffs.

You develop a very high tolerance for embarrassment.

Toddlers are as unpredictable as the day is long. My kid is typically pretty well-behaved in public, but that doesn’t mean he won’t occasionally get a little nuts. Recently we ran into my SIL at the store, so I moved my cart out of the way to talk to her about something. I didn’t pay attention to the fact that a display full of batteries was well within his reach, so of course he began pulling the biggest packages off of the shelf and throwing them at the floor. One of the packages even burst open, much to my dismay. My SIL and I managed to get all of the packages back on the shelf, and I located all of the loose batteries from the open container and took them to customer service to apologize. The lady was super nice and told me not to be embarrassed…And I actually wasn’t. At least that time didn’t involve him lifting my shirt up in the canned goods aisle to point to my belly.

It’s crazy, disgusting, exhilarating, messy, frustrating, wild, fun, and exhausting…

…but you’ll love every minute of it.

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