As I said yesterday, I had a lot of trouble getting excited about the Superbowl this year. I still planned to watch the game, though, because I knew I’d be mad if I missed an awesome display of football. After all, isn’t that what the Superbowl is all about? The two best teams in the league getting together to really battle it out for the title of World Champions? Theoretically, you should be able to count on a damn good game whether you like the teams that are playing or not.

I guess someone forgot to tell the Broncos because WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!

There has to be a good reason for the abysmal performance by the Broncos last night. Here are the top five possibilities, thought up by yours truly:

5. There was a freak snow storm in Denver and the team was actually unable to get to the game. A local high school team was subbed in.

4. Body snatchers.

3. GHB in the Gatorade.

2. Oprah offered each player a billion dollars and a jet ski to throw the game. Who says no to a jet ski?

1. Because they got high, because they got high, because they got high.

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You guys... I am so high right now...

Photo courtesy of Peyton Manning’s Wikipedia page, which (as of right now) doesn’t say anything about him being too stoned to win a Superbowl.

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