If you’re having a baby, I’d like to say congratulations! As long as you’re of reasonably sound mind I’m happy for you. If you’re the type that lacks common sense and can’t even spell the word baby… well that makes me want to weep for humanity…

Let’s move on. Shall we?

So women have babies every day… but there are some ladies that seem to think their pregnancies are way more special and exciting than everyone else’s. If you’re one of these women, you should probably know that people find your special little snowflake behavior to be rather annoying. Want me to be more specific? Ok!

– Don’t sign up for that Facebook app that automatically posts how far along you are each week. I’m not retarded. If you were 20 weeks last Friday I’m pretty sure you’d be 21 weeks this Friday. Plus, I don’t care.

– Stop with the belly photos. I mean, one or two are fine, but two or three A DAY?

Oh, and if you’re sucking in while taking that belly photo you might want to consider the fact that people can tell.

-Don’t make your ultrasound your profile pic. That’s just weird.

– Some women look cute pregnant, others swell up like a beached whale. If you belong to the first category stop trying to make other pregnant women feel bad about themselves by bragging. If you are in the second category, please don’t wear tights as pants and quit trying to make people believe your doctor says you’re tiny.

– The phrase “so blessed”. Just quit with that, ok? Be a little more honest next time and say “I’m an attention whore and I want everyone to be jealous of me” and be done with it.

– If you want to share pictures of your baby shower, fine. There’s nothing more tacky, however, than posting pictures of the gifts you receive. Especially if you caption the picture “Check out all this loot!”
Along the same lines… If someone was kind enough to give you a gift, I also think it’s super tacky to publicly thank them on Facebook. Send a private message, text, or call them.

– Please stop sharing every single aspect of pregnancy. Do a bunch of people you barely know need to see that you’ve lost your mucus plug? Nope.

– “We’re headed to the hospital!” Um, ok… so now everyone on your friends list knows that you’ll be gone for at least 2-3 days. Anyone that clicks the like button just shared that info with everyone on their friends list… Do you see what I’m getting at here? Don’t blame me if your house gets robbed and you lose all of that cool loot you plastered all over Facebook.

– “I’m at 8 cm… Gonna start pushing soon!” GROSS. I have a very vivid imagination so now I have a mental image of you trying to grunt a baby out. I don’t care if you’re my best friend, I do not want that in my head.

– Wait until everyone is all cleaned up to post that first photo. I mean, go ahead and take a picture of your baby while it’s still covered in your insides but don’t share it. Yuck.

Readers, if I’ve forgotten something that really irks you please let me know. If you think you may be an oversharer, there’s still time to get help. Admitting you have a problem is the first step.

Please share this with your friends. Together maybe we can end pregnancy oversharing.