Hey guys! Did y’all hear about New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s decision to fly flags at half-staff to honor Whitney Houston?
Ok, first of all Mr. Man With Two Girly Names… Let’s remember who (and what) we’re honoring:
What we have here, boys and girls, is a crackhead. Sure, she had millions of dollars and a pretty singing voice, but she was a crackhead.
Ok, maybe I’m not being fair, so here’s a nice picture of her after a team of makeup and hair artists worked for a few hours to make her appear sober:
Here’s how I imagine that photo shoot went:
Photographer: Whitney, please sit still… Oh HELL, you’re sweating through your makeup again. MAKEUP!
Whitney: Uh, uh…Are we done? I…uh…need to go to the bathroom.
Photographer: NO. Hold still so she can touch up your makeup, ok? Oh damn, now your weave is all jacked up.
Whitney: *scratch scratch* Please can I go to the bathroom? I need my drugs…I MEAN, I have to pee.
Photographer: I said no. Now let’s fix your hair…Oh forget it. Just prop your head up on your hand to hold it in place… I don’t have time for this shit. Ok, now smile pretty!
Whitney: Um, but…when do I get to…um…pee?
Photographer: As soon as I get a decent shot.
Whitney: BIG PRETTY SMILE
I don’t know this for sure, but I think this photograph was taken immediately after that photo shoot. She finally got to pee.
So here’s the thing. There is NO WAY that the flag of this nation should be flown at half staff in honor of this person. NO WAY. That is something we do to honor fallen soldiers, not pop stars that overdosed and fell into a bathtub.
Let’s try and have some perspective here, people.
And she ruined our National Anthem.
(I am not heartless. I feel very sad for her family’s loss and I’m sure lots of people loved her dearly. I DO think the situation is very sad. OK? So please no hate mail.)