1. There are parts of the human body that should come in contact with soap and water every day. Ideally, the entire body should be soaped up every day…but I think if everyone could just take care of the more odoriferous parts on a daily basis the world would be a better (and less smelly) place. Also, going to Wal-Mart might be a tad more pleasant.

2. Certain behavior stops being acceptable right around the same time as high school graduation. If you’re 30 and still playing the he-said-she-said game or doing your best to make other people miserable, grow up.

3. Facebook is not your diary, it’s public. It’s not the place to talk about your messy divorce or air your dirty laundry. In fact, you aren’t allowed to complain about all of the drama in your life if every other update is “OMG I hate my ex!!! He’s gonna be, like, totally sorry when we go to court!”

3 1/2. While we’re on the topic of Facebook, can we all agree that “Welp, got up at 8:00 this morning, went to the grocery store and bought ho-hos, took the dog to the vet, got McDonald’s for lunch, went home and watched Maury and did laundry. Now I’m getting ready to start making dinner. Sooooo excited to drink some Coors Light and watch the Nascar race I DVR’d with my hubby!” is a retarded and completely unnecessary thing to tell everyone?

4. Having a digital camera does not make you a photographer. Making cupcakes from a shitty box mix does not make you a baker. I really wish people would stop claiming to be things they aren’t and just leave those things to the people that actually have, you know, talent. The real professionals.

Yup, I feel better.

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