So some of this (er, most of this) won’t make sense. I’m just warning you, I’ve had a lot of coffee. A LOT.

Here’s a quick update of what’s been going on around here:

– I’m still unemployed.

– My mom got signed up for online banking. Then she exclaimed “I WILL NEVER USE THAT” and that was the end of her modernizing for that day.

– My mom also learned how to pay at the gas pump. Don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll never do that again, either.

– Um, I turned 30. DON’T WORRY, THOUGH! I still find farts hilarious.

– I’ve been cooking. I made chili and macaroni and cheese for my parents. Not on the same day.  Both were delicious.

– I’ve been taking my vitamins every day for a couple of weeks now (ok, I missed two days thanks to a raging hangover). I actually have been losing weight so that’s good.

– I think the weight loss has been partially due to the fact that I haven’t had a solid shit since I started taking the vitamins.  Like, 3 times a day. AT LEAST.

– Sorry, tmi?

The following conversation just happened:

Me: The Boyfriend and I might be going out for sushi if he’s done working in time. Maybe I should skip my vitamins this evening.

Mom: No, you need to take them.

Me: But… I’m a little worried about mixing raw fish and shit-your-pants vitamins. There could be disastrous consequences.

Mom: Well, you need to take your vitamins. Do you want a pad?

Me: You mean…like a diaper? I AM NOT WEARING A DIAPER TO HAVE SUSHI WITH MY BOYFRIEND.

Mom: Well…

Me: No, it’s cool. THE DAMAGE HAS BEEN DONE! SHIT-YOUR-PANTS PILLS DOWN THE HATCH!

Mom: Do you want a pad?

Me: If my relationship is ruined because I shit my pants in a restaurant in front of my boyfriend and everyone else, I’m blaming you.

 

She really didn’t seem all that worried.

 

Advertisements