The boyfriend got a fancy new cell phone. He had been using an old Samsung flip phone (it was probably manufactured in the ’90s) that didn’t have a camera.  Imagine the learning curve, going from that to a new Android phone.

I don’t have to imagine, kids.

I knew he was planning to look at new phones, so it wasn’t a total surprise when I got a text from him one day:

Can you help me set up my new phone? It’s missing me off.

I assured him I would, as soon as I got home from work. Apparently, he didn’t want to wait and tried doing some things on his own. When I got to his house, he told me the story of his attempt to set it up:


“So the chick at AT&T said I needed to get anti-virus stuff right away. I can’t remember which one she said to get. Anyway, I tried to download it but it said I had to have a Google account. It said I could set one up in less than 5 minutes. WELL. 45 minutes later, I still couldn’t get the damn thing figured out. First, it told me to enter my name. Then it said I had to put 23 behind it. So then I put in my password, and some box came up. I didn’t know what to put there, so I just put my name again. It kept saying invalid. Invalid, invalid, invalid, invalid… So I can’t set it up and I can’t download apps. This technology stuff is bullshit. What ever happened to pen and paper?!”

I offered to give it a try and was able to successfully set up his Gmail account. When I was done, I said “Congratulations, Babe! You officially have an email address!”

“I do? I don’t know if I like that.”

“Well, you have to have one to download apps….”

“So I can get Paper Toss now?”

“Yes dear. You can get Paper Toss.”

Since that evening he’s managed to figure out how to navigate his phone pretty well. So much so that now I spend a lot of time during the evenings watching him play with his phone. Funny, since he used to make fun of my frequent phone use…


He’s also discovered YouTube.

Two nights ago, he was watching all sorts of videos. It started when he wasn’t satisfied with the dramatic recreations of shark attacks on Shark Week. The next thing you know, he’s watching shark attack videos on YouTube…then he moved on to South Park videos and somehow, he ended up watching videos of people popping zits.

By that time, he had moved to the floor in front of my chair so I could watch them, too. He’s so considerate.

While watching probably the tenth giant back-zit ooze while the people filming made exclamations of disgust,  he suddenly came up with an idea and did a search for bott fly.

DEAR SWEET BABY JESUS. Do yourself a favor, don’t Google that. Or do, if you really want, but you’ll be super grossed out.

I had nightmares that night. Disgusting, horrible nightmares.

All thanks to The Boyfriend’s new phone. I think I agree with him.

Technology sucks.