…According to me:

– I am neither a bed-hogger nor a cover-stealer. I go to sleep curled up in a ball and wake up exactly the same way. Also? I don’t snore and I sleep like a rock. Apparently the boyfriend has accidentally elbowed me in the head a number of times without waking me up. Impressive, huh?

– I can wiggle my left ear. I used to be able to wiggle BOTH ears, but the right one decided to be lazy one day and just quit working. Seems to be a trend…My thyroid got lazy all of a sudden, too.

– I can drink a shitload of beer, yo. And I don’t pee myself (or worse) when I’m drunk. I DO often make an ass out of myself, but that’s not nearly as messy and much more fun to watch (so I’ve been told).

– I tend to be the person that says what everyone else in the room is thinking… So if you’re ever in a situation that involves wanting to point something out (but you don’t want to look like an ass), don’t worry. I’ll totally fall on that sword for you.

– I’m a lot stronger than I look… In fact, I love when someone tells me I won’t be able to lift something as I’m in the process of picking it up. This winter I even pushed my roommate’s car out of the snow. By myself. For the rest of the day I walked around exclaiming “CHECK OUT MY GUNS!” and flexing. I wasn’t really talking to anyone in particular, but I’m sure my roommates got sick of hearing it.

– I won’t use your bathroom to drop a deuce. There are only two bathrooms on earth that I will use for that unless it’s an extreme emergency situation…mine at home and the one at my mom and dad’s house. If I ask to use the bathroom at your house, I have no plans to stink or clog it up.

– I’ve changed the oil in a car, fixed a toilet or two, assembled my own furniture, helped my parents install flooring and mowed my own yard.  I know how to shoot a gun and I have an unhealthy love for football. I’m not prissy or overly girly by any means…My first word was dirt, for crying out loud.

– I refuse to grow up too much. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. Fart jokes will always be funny to me.  So while I’ve grown up enough to drag my ass to work every day, I know how to have fun. If you’ve got a toddler with a lego obsession, I’ll be happy to build stuff with him. So what if I can only build houses?

– Going on a long car trip but don’t want to drive? If I’m driving you’ll get there. Sure, I may still get lost in my home town (don’t judge), but I’ve driven myself (without getting lost) to various parts of Michigan, Tennessee, Illinois and Texas.  I made it back to Indiana from Texas with a sleeping co-pilot and an atlas.  That’s a 21 hour drive, y’all.

Advertisements