My mom refuses to get a cell phone. I have one, my brother has one, my dad has one…hell, for a while even my grandma had one.

She could never figure out how to use it and frequently thought it was broken because the battery was dead but still…

It’s frustrating to me that mom won’t join the rest of the civilized world and just get a damn cell. She’s the only person I know that I can’t get a hold of if she isn’t at home. For the most part, it just annoys me that I can’t call her if we’re meeting somewhere and I’m running late. I also spend a lot of time worrying that she’ll have a wreck or there will be an emergency and no one will know. I can’t help the worrying…I got it from my mother. YOU’D THINK SHE’D UNDERSTAND.

I’ve tried to reason with her, but it usually goes like this:

Me: Mom, I really wish you’d get a cell phone.
Mom: I don’t need one.
Me: But what if you have a wreck and are laying dead in a ditch somewhere?!
Mom: Well if I’m dead I can’t use the phone anyway.
Me: Good point. What if you’re ALMOST dead in a ditch somewhere?
Mom: I’m not getting a cell phone.

She’s getting stubborn in her old age.

Just kidding! I mean, she IS stubborn, but…Uh…Moving on…

I got to thinking about it one day, and if she got in a wreck and couldn’t communicate, the paramedics could find someone to call by going through her cell phone book or call history. I tried bringing this up to her but it didn’t sway her at all. I really do worry that something will happen to her and no one will know who to call…

So I’ve decided to go a different route.

I’m going to write my mother’s emergency contacts somewhere on her body. I’m thinking the lower back might be best because she wouldn’t notice it right away.

That’s right, an emergency contact tramp stamp.

Since I can’t get my hands on a real tattoo gun I’ll have to settle on a permanent marker for my artwork. I’ll have to figure out a way to do this while she’s sleeping and it’ll likely have to be a little at a time so I don’t get caught before it’s all finished.

The way I see it, I’ll get my way somehow. Either my mom will discover her emergency contact tramp stamp and give in about getting a cell phone OR she won’t see it and I’ll be able to have some peace knowing that my mom has “IN CASE OF EMERGENCY CALL ASHLEE AT XXX-XXX-XXXX” written on her back.