Do you know what really irritates me?

Good point. That would be a pretty long list.

Well ONE thing that really drives me crazy is when I text someone and they don’t reply. I’m ok with someone replying even an hour later…I mean, we all get busy every now and then. Naps happen. Work happens. I get it.

BUT.

When it gets to be 4, 5, even 9 hours later? THAT’S what bothers me.

See, when you wait forever to reply I start wondering about all kinds of things…

Were you in an accident?

Did you decide you hate me and this is how you’re letting me know?

Is my phone messed up?

Did you fall into a well?

Were you abducted?

Arrested?

I’ll usually fixate on the possibility that the problem is my phone…because it has been giving me issues lately. I’ll make a call out to make sure I didn’t forget to pay my bill (don’t judge, it happens). I’ll check my bank balance through text to make sure I can still send and receive messages. I’ll even do a Google search or check Facebook or Twitter to make sure my data services are working.

Once I’ve been through all of those steps a few times I’ll start to worry that I’ve done something to make you mad. I then mentally go through all of the conversations I’ve had with you recently to look for signs that I’ve pissed you off. If I have recent texts from you I’ll even look through those.

When I get tired of trying to determine what I said or did that made you hate me forever and ever AMEN, I’ll switch to worrying about what might have happened to you. Images of you lying in a hospital bed start floating through my mind…along with the occasional image of you stuck at the bottom of a well or behind bars.

All in all, it isn’t a pleasant experience for me.

I realize I could just send another text to check up on you, but if you’re not replying because you hate me I don’t want you to think I’m incapable of getting the hint.

Do you see the kind of mental torture you’re inflicting?!

Eventually, you’ll text me back…something like “Hey! Sorry, I was at work and my phone was dead. What’s up?”

You probably won’t hear from me for a couple of hours. It’s because I’ve passed out from mental exhaustion and relief.

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