Boss: …so we all need to wear ties this week.

Me: I’m not wearing one. No sir.

Boss: Oh yes you are.

Me: I don’t even own a tie. Nope.

Boss: I’m going to bring you one and you’re going to wear it.

Me: Fine, but I get to tie it however I please.

Boss: You mean, like you would tie a necktie?

Me: I don’t know how!

Boss: What? How do you not know how?!

Me: Why would I know that?

Boss: Um, so you can help your man?

Me: 1. I don’t have a man. 2. I don’t need one. 3. If I were to decide to acquire one, I’d expect him to know how to tie his own damn tie. If a grown man can’t do that, what else can’t he do? I can’t have some guy relying on me for everything, you know. I have things to do.

Boss: *sigh*

If you’re wondering…yes. Almost all of our conversations end that way.